when you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home

t minus 27 hours until i land at toronto pearson airport. it is simply impossible to try to explain how my heart smiles at the thought. i've been pouring through toronto weather reports, current affairs, gossip so that i won't feel like a total alien when i touch down. i realise that 7 months is not such a long time to be away from home, but for someone who has never spent more than a month away it has felt like an eternity. i spent the majority of my youth pining for an international adventure and now that i have experienced a little taste of it first hand, it is nice to think that tomorrow i will get to eat my mom's food, shovel the snow off our driveway, bicker with my sister about the state of the clothes i've left behind (haha jenny. that one's just for old time's sake!) and sleep in my room that is still filled with remnants of my toronto life.
it is especially pleasing to know that i am finally well settled and suited to my london life, with lots of good news/adventures to share with everyone.

aaron was in town for a couple of nights (just to see the spice girls!) and last night we met outside of my work in picadilly circus. though we've known each other for over five years, aaron and i didn't really bond until the final months leading upto my relocation to london. we'd meet once every couple of weeks to excitedly discuss my upcoming move, our individual european experiences and love for travel. he was one of a small handful who really encouraged me to take the leap and leave home to find what it is that i had offer to the world outside of toronto. it felt really sweet to walk down regent street and share a few pints and pub food at the windmill while we chatted about the past seven months of our ever progressing lives.

i'm not even home yet and already i feel my stay is much too short. how do you catch up with the family, friends, city who is home to you in just a week? how can i absorb all the smells and textures of home in 7 days?

heaven forbidding - i will always be the girl on an adventure who wishes she was safe at home..

i just don't know what to do with myself

have cried for the second time in as many weeks and i just don't know anymore. i feel like this horrible, emotionally unstable person has hijacked my body and i am now responsible for outbursts that do not sound like me, act like me or feel like me.

maybe i've been kidnapped & brainwashed by aliens...

it could just be that i am really really missing everyone back home, but a part of me knows the truth -- despite my usually great ability to adapt to new situations maybe being so far away from the familiar is scaring the beegeesus out of me.

everyone has these moments, don't they? as if the the world is crashing down around them. i am having these moments all too often lately, and am really really looking forward to seeing many familiar faces in a week's time.. because i feel like it will be my saving grace, and my need to succeed in london will find itself again.

until then, i'm going to just snap out of it.