Thursday, 19 July 2007

sometimes, it is wonderful to feel alone - as if in a dream..




'Psychic automatism in its pure state, by which one proposes to express -- verbally, by means of the written word, or in any other manner -- the actual functioning of thought. Dictated by the thought, in the absence of any control exercised by reason, exempt from any aesthetic or moral concern...'



i have been slipping in & out of one of my pensive moods. it felt more overwhelming than usual on monday. no, nothing is wrong, nothing feels out of sync, life still tastes sweet (not the really really 'hurts your teeth' kind of sweet but the kind of fresh sweet that i've always preferred, if you know what i mean) but despite all of this i've been having these moments lately where i feel far removed from myself, my life, my relationships. it's kind of like having a dream during REM where you see your dreamself in a third person setting. i can actually count on one hand the number of dreams that i have had that were actually in first person. oddly enough, this is how i've been feeling lately, in real life -- just another observer of my own life. it has gotten to the point where occasionally, my dream life feels more real and more substantial than my real life. it feels sometimes there is a hazy, lazy fog that has settled making real life feel all the more surreal.

there is something to be said for my recent 'disinterested play of thought'. similarly to how the dadaists strived to ensure that their art have no meaning, i have found myself trying to avoid seeking reason or meaning in my current state of mind but am simply enjoying this mood. it is like being able to take a deep breath while under water -- impossible but refreshingly superreal at the same time.

until next time...

1 comment:

djll said...

woo hoo yoo hoo?