the conquest of happiness

"my purpose is to suggest a cure for the ordinary day-to-day unhappiness from which most people in civilized countries suffer, and which is all the more unbearable because, having no obvious external cause, it appears inescapable."
--bertrand russell

weaving in & out of extreme happiness and severe discouragement (but mostly, i am really really happy) has presented a type of dichotomy that has been all too apparent throughout my life. i thought to myself the other day that there is something to be said for such significant disparities which exist in one's being. one minute i feel so happy i feel like my heart will burst out of my chest then i turn a corner and i am again faced with the perils of living in my head.

now, cryptically speaking without giving much away this is my current state. the ultimate goal now is to somehow, in someway conquer happiness so that i don't have to keep digging myself out of the depths of my own mind.

i just wish i wouldn't keep hearing these words in my head..
"there's not a joy the world can give like that it takes away,
when the glow of early thought declines in feeling's dull decay."
--lord byron

wow, that sounds a lot more depressing written out then it did when the words were just floating around in my mind.!! in my head these words seemed beautiful and pensive...
ok ok, i'll take my head out of the clouds now!