pieces of you

walking the streets here, i often have moments when i am reminded of someone back home. it may be a cool shop, a great exhibition, a beautiful garden, or a place to quench one's thirst.. these moments help plant my feet firmly into the reality that is my life rather than continuing to feel like i am having an outer body experience. i think of my family daily, and send them secret kisses in my heart - the assurance that somewhere in toronto omma, appa and little jenny will somehow know and feel that right at that moment i am thinking of them, missing them makes me reach out to the heavens with much gratitude...

though i have settled into life in london nicely, i realize that i had severely underestimated how difficult it is to start fresh in a new city, a new country, a new continent. it is really strange that now i am the one with an accent, i am the one who has to explain why i have moved from my home, i am the one who is asked whether i miss my friends and family, i am the one who is asked how long i plan on staying here. i revel in this feeling of being a fish out of water though and i am trying to make it now on land. having eaten humble pie, sometimes more than i would have liked, i am nevertheless thankful for this experience because i feel i am growing to be a more empathetic, not just tolerable, person. during my days of growing pains in canada i often heard that tolerance is the key to a happy nation. recently however, i feel this statement grossly neglects the fact that tolerating something does not equal one's acceptance of it. it is much easier to be tolerant than it is to put forth acceptance.

since i am one of those who never feels like they are really living unless they are faced with a struggle - at times frustrating my own self by creating problems where really there are none to be had - being alone and just surviving in a new place is exhilirating. i feel that up until this point i have simply tolerated my life and now, finally i accept it as mine....

what a beautiful thought